yep. its true. im allergic to nutella.
see, ive got this ridiculously weird allergy to tree nuts, yes you heard me right, only nuts grown on trees, and nutella happens to be made out of the most allergy inducing nut of them all, the hazelnut. luckily its not one of those stab-myself-with-an-epipen-or-i-die types of allergies, but the swelling and itching is still annoying nonetheless. so although it was a wonderful gesture of jordyn to make me the nutella reece’s for my birthday, it set off a few allergic reactions that cause my face to swell up like a ballon, to put it nicely.
and of course it all went down during my three hour, once a week night class. so there i sat, unable to leave, or move, or even turn my head so anyone else could see me for fear of them catching a glimpse of my swollen little eyes and forever deeming me the creepy kid in the class who never has a partner for group projects. luckily, despite all my attempts to scratch my eyes out thanks to the burning sensation caused by this lovely allergic reaction,the swelling had stopped taking over my face so viciously by the end of class.
so on my treck back to campus i kept thinking to myself “why the heck would i eat nutella KNOWING full well that im allergic to it and have completely avoided it for the past year and a half?” and then of course my lovely brain went off onto a million tangents to try and justify my terrible decision to eat a product made mostly out of the food i’m allergic to. and i just kept coming back to one thing. boy meets world.
try and follow me here. i watched this episode this past weekend where shawn tells corey that all the girls in school want him because he gives off “the scent” that they cant have him. and yes, i could just chock this up to the secular view of it all and call it human nature, say we always want what we cant have and we can never fully overcome it and leave it at that, but as i thought about it more and more, theres something deeper here.
sin. just plain and simple sin. sin is always appealing. its always fun, always exciting, always that thing that we know we shouldnt do but want to do anyways. its going 90 in a 55, those little white lies that we tell “so no one gets hurt”, and making excuses out the wazoo. its bad attitudes and usually pretty easy to get away with. its eating a (metaphorical) food you shouldnt and pretending that there wont be consequences. and it drives everything.
last semester, i plain and simple had a terrible attitude about things. i didnt want to be where i was, i missed people and places, and i was sick of dealing with tiny every day struggles. i made a TON of excuses, probably made even more mistakes, and was a general sourpuss to be around most of the time. i chased after a lot of things i knew werent right and gobbled them up like a whole jar full of nutella. i was lazy.
somehow i got myself under the impression that i could do everything all by myself. and while yes, that is still my mindset sometimes, i realize now that its time to change my attitude. God didnt put certain people in my life for me to just hate and loathe and talk about. i cant change them, so i have to change my attitude towards them. and i cant be lazy about it. it has to be a vigilant, every day effort. something i remind myself of every day, something i write on my mirror and in my planner, something that i write on my hand if i have to. God doesnt put me in situations to just gripe and be a crybaby. he puts me in situations to see me thrive and grow and glorify him, and lately, ive been doing a pretty sucky job. its so easy as Christians to get into routines and just end up pushing God to the side. its so easy to make excuses and have a big head and think that youre better than other christians and “definitely” non christians. its easy to believe those lies. its not easy to actually grow up and do something about it. its easy to blur the lines and do things you shouldnt.
its not easy to be pushed out of your comfort zone in every which way and figure out how to grow.its not easy to be vigilant and press on. its not easy to not be lazy. its not easy to feel so far removed from everything you consider home and try and figure out what God wants you to do in Charleston. but its where i am. God put me here for a reason. so now i just have to find it.
i told you i was good at tangents.